Author: Kimberly Kingsley

The last 20 years of my life – almost half, yikes! – have been dedicated to seeking growth and freeing my spirit. Those of you who share this pursuit know that it can get messy when you really look at yourself and face the endless opportunities for refinement.

And although I take this journey very seriously, I’d like to share a message that has come to me in the wake of my beloved brother-in-law’s passing. The message is this: Nothing – except love – is a big deal.

Not love for a particular person or pursuit either. Just the act of love. The extension of tolerance, acceptance, patience, and kindness in the name of love for anyone and everyone who crosses your path.

When we get to heaven – and I do unequivocally believe in the afterlife, and prior lives for that matter – We will clearly see and feel the utter meaninglessness of EVERYTHING except the love and light that we extend on a moment by moment basis.

This revelation has helped me to not take myself so seriously. We can either be perennially distracted by all of our specific ideas about the way things “should” be, or we can accept them the way they are with a light-hearted preference for what we want, while remaining open and loving NO MATTER WHAT.

This message feels rather revolutionary for me and I hope it inspires freedom in your heart and soul because life goes on… and on… and on… so why not just fly freely now rather than wait until we’re no longer in a body and realize all the time we wasted on things that don’t matter?

Today I had the privilege of attending a conference where M. Gary Neuman was speaking. He has written many books, but his most recent is called, Connect to Love.

I’ve seen Neuman on Oprah a couple of times and didn’t want to miss this opportunity to hear what he had to say. He did not disappoint. His message is straight forward and very much needed in this day and age of over-scheduling and chronic distraction.

Connect to Love is based on his research with men and women. Among the findings is that women’s number one complaint is not having enough time with their spouses while men’s number one complaint is not having enough appreciation. Not surprising… Imagine what would happen if we combined the two and spent time with our partners each day telling them how much we appreciate them!

He also talks about the importance of emotional (and physical of course) fidelity, reminding us that when a person other than your partner is providing you that jolt of excitement, whether it be a passing comment or an animated conversation, it puts your relationship in danger.

From an energy point of view, this makes perfect sense. Energy builds within us throughout the day and sharing the little things that build up with your partner strengthens and feeds the connection between you. If someone else is your “go to” person, the relationship with them strengthens while your primary relationship atrophies.

I love it when I get to hear insights from someone who knows their stuff, and I can tell you that Neuman does. He’s doing a workshop for couples tonight (1/10/11) at Chaparral Suites for those of you who live in Phoenix and are looking for a breath of fresh air!

We are living in an age of non-commitment. Whether it be a new relationship, a job, or even a New Year’s Resolution, it’s common to think, “Let’s wait and see how it goes.”

Spiritual law tells us to “go with the flow.” Psychology speaks of “radical self-care.” These philosophies encourage us to be true to ourselves above all else. But if we’re not careful, we can take this approach too far and forget that the energy of commitment is required in order for something to succeed, and that the very act of “waiting to see…” can undermine the ultimate success of a new relationship or goal.

The energy of commitment within a relationship or collaboration is very much like the witness energy within an individual. When we invoke the inner witness, we observe our behavior – good, bad and otherwise – through the eyes of our higher self or spirit. The witness shines a light on the behavior, feeding what is good and transforming all that’s not. It is impossible to transform a bad habit in the absence of light. It is impossible, for example, to try and change an aspect of yourself if every time it happens you disconnect from your higher self and go swim in a pool of guilt.

Commitment is the same. It acts as a connection to another person or project that remains intact when things are going good and when they’re not. Over time, the light of commitment seeps down into the fragile areas of your union and makes it strong. Without it, this witness energy is pulled back in the presence of weakness, creating a lack of nourishment and causing whatever is weak to grow weaker.

Creating abundant health, enduring love, and a passionate career requires an unwavering commitment that remains present and intact even when things don’t feel so good. Life has no choice but to sprout and grow under these conditions. The energy of life is the source of all that’s good. Commitment feeds your passions the life they need to grow into their full and beautiful potential.

The 30-day Bikram yoga challenge showed me the transformational power of sweat. It sounds strange I know, but trust me when I tell you that at the end of that 30 days I was a different person. It felt like decade old emotions rolled off my body one drop of sweat at a time.

That’s why when my beautiful yoga teacher CieAna shared the following quote after class the other day, it really hit home.

Sweat is holy water, prayer beads, pearls of liquid that release your past. Sweat is an ancient and universal form of self healing, whether done in the gym, the sauna, or the sweat lodge… The more you sweat, the more you pray. The more you pray, the closer you come to ecstasy.  – Gabrielle Roth

One of my students, Justin Geha took this photo. I love it!

Being human is tricky. We are inherently messy creatures – “perfectly imperfect.”

This year I give thanks for humanness. I spent the first half of my life in denial, completely overlooking the imperfections of others. Pollyanna? Unequivecally yes.

For most of the second half I roamed around in the clouds seeking the perfection of spiritual ideals, which of course is impossible unless you want to completely avoid relationships:)

For the rest of my life I hope to embrace the messiness of my humanity and of those around me. I’m still an idealist and have a clear vision of the inherent potential in all people and situations, but instead of clinging to the ideal, I now choose to relax into what is, knowing that the essence shines forth regardless of the form.

So this Thanksgiving I’m going to eat Turkey and try not to think about how it was raised. I’m going to let my belly bulge with the pride of being a true Kingsley;) And I’m going to practice forgiveness – giving forth regardless of what is given to me, knowing that I will practice it imperfectly.

God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving.

Today is 11/11. A series of ones indicates a gap between the material and spirit world. Whatever we put out there today will be magnified. What do you choose to magnify in your life?

What if we all decided to love ourselves under every circumstance no matter what? What if nothing or no one had the power to make you reject yourself? Not the amount of money you have, not the number on the scale, not someone else’s behavior, or even your own mistake. It doesn’t mean that we don’t make things right, change our behavior and apologize for our mistakes, just that we love ourselves the way we continue to love a child or a pet when they “mess up.”

What if this alone would bring you all the goodness life has to offer while simultaneously showering the world with light?

This is my intention on this very powerful day. Here’s why: Anytime we reject ourselves – judge, berate, or even disconnect from ourselves or deny our feelings – we dam up our spirit. When it happens over and over the dam gets bigger and stronger. This leads to being blocked inside and any time life can’t flow freely, it attracts circumstances that provide opportunities for forgiveness or tearing down the dam. Once the life behind the dam can flow forth there is no longer a need to learn that particular lesson.

Beating ourselves up keeps our inner light from transforming our current circumstances. And guess what? It also keeps our light from the world. I believe that if only a small percentage of us chose to love ourselves unconditionally that the whole world would heal in an instant.

Loving others is easy, now let’s love ourselves and see what happens:)

Last night in a group I was facilitating, a participant talked to us about TM. I’m intrigued with this type of meditation for a couple of reasons. The first is based on personal experience. Many years ago (19 to be exact) I ran into Deepak Chopra in Chicago. I was at a conference where he was speaking and we were both walking down the street before it started. Chopra was known for practicing TM at that time.

We had a short conversation, because I could not NOT talk to him, and after I said goodbye and walked away tears began to flow down my face. They were not tears of sadness, rather they were a physiological response to his spirit. I have heard that the presence of a guru can invoke tears, and that is what this felt like. His energy was so powerful and pure that my body responded by shedding tears. The tears kept streaming down my face for no apparent reason. It was mystifying.

The other reason I’m intrigued is because of the overwhelming research that shows that TM dramatically helps heal illness, reduce anxiety AND reduce crime! Yes, you heard me – reduce crime. There was a study in Washington DC that showed a 23.3% decrease in crime when a group of 4000 meditators came together to see if their daily practice could reduce the crime rate.

This, and my total commitment to well-being, inner peace and world peace has me rethinking my approach to meditation. Practictioners of TM “sit” twice daily for 20 minutes while repeating a mantra (Which I understand can be any word of your choice) to quiet the mind. It’s that simple and, I believe, worth a try!

For those of you who have not read Portals of Peace, the definition of essentialization came to me in a dream exactly how it appears above. Soon after having the dream, an entire model of the psyche came into my awareness. There is the unhealed psyche (socialized) and the healed psyche (essentialized).

The socialized psyche is divided between the suppressed self and the presenting self – these two battle constantly as the contents of the buried self continuously try to surface in order to be released. All of us start out with a socialized psyche. In fact, it is necessary to suppress certain impulses and emotions in order to grow up in a society with rules and expectations.

At a point however, a split psyche no longer serves us and we are called to integrate the two. This integration process is what I call essentialization.

Here are the five steps to essentialization:

• Charge – Connect to your true essence daily.
• Alchemy – Allow the spirit within you to burn through any blocks that conceal your essence.
• Shed – Release congestion and patterns associated with your ego/socialized self.
• Embody – Embody your entire unique essence, for there is only one you!
• Express – Share your unique gifts, talents, love and joy with the world. This is how we heal ourselves and the world simultaneously.

What stage of essentialization are you in? These stages can occur simultaneously and in any order. They also occur more than once as we move like a spiral into the heart of who we really are. I recently went through a powerful shedding stage, which allowed me to let go of some very old fears and insecurities. In place of these inhibiting energies is more love, joy and a newfound conviction about the life I’m meant to live.

I would love to support you on your path to essentialization in any way I can. Your original brand of essence brings beauty and grace into the world. I celebrate You!

I came out of teaching the other day to the devastating news that my brother-in-law took his own life. Those of you who have dealt with the suicide of a loved one know that this is no easy task. It’s complex, confusing and devastating all at the same time. I’m writing about it here because after years of blogging, I’ve found that when I don’t share the big things, I get writer’s block. You can imagine the challenge of writing something light-hearted when your heart couldn’t be heavier.

Along with a heavy heart I have hope. Why? Because love prevails. We are still connected to my beloved brother in love. My family is lifting each other up in love, and because love never dies. In my close circle, there is no blame or anger, simply compassion for a man who was very sick (both with debilitating depression and a benign brain tumor that affected his ability to process stress). If there was a way out, he would have found it.

So rest in peace my sweet friend and shine down upon us with your bright and enduring spirit.