Author: Kimberly Kingsley

One of my students, Justin Geha took this photo. I love it!

Being human is tricky. We are inherently messy creatures – “perfectly imperfect.”

This year I give thanks for humanness. I spent the first half of my life in denial, completely overlooking the imperfections of others. Pollyanna? Unequivecally yes.

For most of the second half I roamed around in the clouds seeking the perfection of spiritual ideals, which of course is impossible unless you want to completely avoid relationships:)

For the rest of my life I hope to embrace the messiness of my humanity and of those around me. I’m still an idealist and have a clear vision of the inherent potential in all people and situations, but instead of clinging to the ideal, I now choose to relax into what is, knowing that the essence shines forth regardless of the form.

So this Thanksgiving I’m going to eat Turkey and try not to think about how it was raised. I’m going to let my belly bulge with the pride of being a true Kingsley;) And I’m going to practice forgiveness – giving forth regardless of what is given to me, knowing that I will practice it imperfectly.

God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving.

Today is 11/11. A series of ones indicates a gap between the material and spirit world. Whatever we put out there today will be magnified. What do you choose to magnify in your life?

What if we all decided to love ourselves under every circumstance no matter what? What if nothing or no one had the power to make you reject yourself? Not the amount of money you have, not the number on the scale, not someone else’s behavior, or even your own mistake. It doesn’t mean that we don’t make things right, change our behavior and apologize for our mistakes, just that we love ourselves the way we continue to love a child or a pet when they “mess up.”

What if this alone would bring you all the goodness life has to offer while simultaneously showering the world with light?

This is my intention on this very powerful day. Here’s why: Anytime we reject ourselves – judge, berate, or even disconnect from ourselves or deny our feelings – we dam up our spirit. When it happens over and over the dam gets bigger and stronger. This leads to being blocked inside and any time life can’t flow freely, it attracts circumstances that provide opportunities for forgiveness or tearing down the dam. Once the life behind the dam can flow forth there is no longer a need to learn that particular lesson.

Beating ourselves up keeps our inner light from transforming our current circumstances. And guess what? It also keeps our light from the world. I believe that if only a small percentage of us chose to love ourselves unconditionally that the whole world would heal in an instant.

Loving others is easy, now let’s love ourselves and see what happens:)

Last night in a group I was facilitating, a participant talked to us about TM. I’m intrigued with this type of meditation for a couple of reasons. The first is based on personal experience. Many years ago (19 to be exact) I ran into Deepak Chopra in Chicago. I was at a conference where he was speaking and we were both walking down the street before it started. Chopra was known for practicing TM at that time.

We had a short conversation, because I could not NOT talk to him, and after I said goodbye and walked away tears began to flow down my face. They were not tears of sadness, rather they were a physiological response to his spirit. I have heard that the presence of a guru can invoke tears, and that is what this felt like. His energy was so powerful and pure that my body responded by shedding tears. The tears kept streaming down my face for no apparent reason. It was mystifying.

The other reason I’m intrigued is because of the overwhelming research that shows that TM dramatically helps heal illness, reduce anxiety AND reduce crime! Yes, you heard me – reduce crime. There was a study in Washington DC that showed a 23.3% decrease in crime when a group of 4000 meditators came together to see if their daily practice could reduce the crime rate.

This, and my total commitment to well-being, inner peace and world peace has me rethinking my approach to meditation. Practictioners of TM “sit” twice daily for 20 minutes while repeating a mantra (Which I understand can be any word of your choice) to quiet the mind. It’s that simple and, I believe, worth a try!

For those of you who have not read Portals of Peace, the definition of essentialization came to me in a dream exactly how it appears above. Soon after having the dream, an entire model of the psyche came into my awareness. There is the unhealed psyche (socialized) and the healed psyche (essentialized).

The socialized psyche is divided between the suppressed self and the presenting self – these two battle constantly as the contents of the buried self continuously try to surface in order to be released. All of us start out with a socialized psyche. In fact, it is necessary to suppress certain impulses and emotions in order to grow up in a society with rules and expectations.

At a point however, a split psyche no longer serves us and we are called to integrate the two. This integration process is what I call essentialization.

Here are the five steps to essentialization:

• Charge – Connect to your true essence daily.
• Alchemy – Allow the spirit within you to burn through any blocks that conceal your essence.
• Shed – Release congestion and patterns associated with your ego/socialized self.
• Embody – Embody your entire unique essence, for there is only one you!
• Express – Share your unique gifts, talents, love and joy with the world. This is how we heal ourselves and the world simultaneously.

What stage of essentialization are you in? These stages can occur simultaneously and in any order. They also occur more than once as we move like a spiral into the heart of who we really are. I recently went through a powerful shedding stage, which allowed me to let go of some very old fears and insecurities. In place of these inhibiting energies is more love, joy and a newfound conviction about the life I’m meant to live.

I would love to support you on your path to essentialization in any way I can. Your original brand of essence brings beauty and grace into the world. I celebrate You!

I came out of teaching the other day to the devastating news that my brother-in-law took his own life. Those of you who have dealt with the suicide of a loved one know that this is no easy task. It’s complex, confusing and devastating all at the same time. I’m writing about it here because after years of blogging, I’ve found that when I don’t share the big things, I get writer’s block. You can imagine the challenge of writing something light-hearted when your heart couldn’t be heavier.

Along with a heavy heart I have hope. Why? Because love prevails. We are still connected to my beloved brother in love. My family is lifting each other up in love, and because love never dies. In my close circle, there is no blame or anger, simply compassion for a man who was very sick (both with debilitating depression and a benign brain tumor that affected his ability to process stress). If there was a way out, he would have found it.

So rest in peace my sweet friend and shine down upon us with your bright and enduring spirit.

Most of us are attracted to others based on threads of unfinished business that are either directly connected to the person you’re attracted to, or that tie in nicely with the karmic threads of the person you’re attracted to. For example, someone who has a tendency to run away from conflict might be drawn to someone who can’t let things go. For the first year or so, the threads come together to make a beautiful bow – you feel like you fit perfectly and that you really have no issues. It is only after the honeymoon stage ends that threads start getting tangled, and begin to feel a little constricting.  

There is nothing wrong with this, it is human nature. If there weren’t karmic threads, there wouldn’t be romantic attachment, you would simply have unconditional love without attachments (the exact opposite of Romeo and Juliet passion). Once the perfect bow begins to tangle, there are two options: You can either move into power struggle mode where the knots get tighter and tighter, or you begin to take responsibility for your own issues and move toward health, which will gently unravel your part of the tangled mess.

Once you start moving toward health, your partner will either take responsibility for their part, or not. If so, you two will rise up to a place of untouchable love or gracefully move apart, toward the next level of learning. If the other person does not take responsibility, the union will likely break apart, with the one who learned moving to the next level and the one who didn’t attracting more of the same. The third option – and probably what we see most – is that neither party takes responsibility and the individual and combined issues get more and ingrained, leading to an unhappy couple or a drama-filled break-up.

It takes humility and courage to face our lessons, but the outcome is inner peace and freedom from conflict and drama. Thankfully, it’s never to late to shed our old patterns… The karma waits patiently until we’re ready.

This weekend I went to We Care Spa for a three-day fast. For those of you who are not familiar with We Care, it is a simple retreat center in Palm Springs where you go and fast for a weekend or longer (one woman was there for three weeks).

It is vigorous fasting, and by this I mean full-force. They recommend colonics every day and you drink fiber that expands ten times in your belly to “cleanse” your colon. You take lots of pills – enzymes, probiotics, fiber regulators, green pills, etc. – and fix yourself drinks throughout the day such as the fiber drink I mentioned and other not so tasty drinks. Midday you do get a green/carrot juice which is yummy and at night they serve a pureed single vegetable soup that feels like a feast when you haven’t eaten all day – good times:)

The grounds are breathtaking. The property is in a remote area with spectacular views of the mountains. The air is clear and if you love the desert like I do, it is extremely nourishing to be in that environment. They have great classes – my favorites were yoga and pilates by a beautiful, dreadlock sporting girl named Patricia who personifies the saying, “Be the peace you wish to see in the world.”

I do have to say that the majority of the people who go there are richer than God, which is a bit sureal in a Chanel flipflop sort of way, but they’re all are into wellness and friendly for the most part.

There was only one problem with the whole experience (other than the giant “date beetle” who liked to hang out on my toilet paper roll. Oh yeah, and the fact that you have to put your toilet paper in the trash to avoid clogging the septic tank), I don’t do colonics. Not that I have anything against them or the people who choose to go that utterly invasive route, it’s just that they are a bit too extreme for me. So here I was taking all these pills and all this fiber and not doing colonics to help flush the abundant detox remedies out of my system. My conclusion: If you want a vigorous fast, you need to do the whole program.

I’m more interested in gentle fasts. I LOVE the lemonade fast and will probably only do that one for the rest of my life. You just sip the lemon/maple syrup mixture throughout the day and drink a little fasting tea (read: herbal laxative) at night to assist the removal of toxins while your not ingesting solid food, which is what usually moves things along. I’m reinvigorated about the weekend fasting retreats I host, and am entirely clear that the lemonade approach is a wonderful way to cleanse for those of us who are more moderate minded. 

Meanwhile, I feel ever so thankful for We Care Spa and the lovely staff there who turned me on to the idea of fasting retreats in the first place. And for those who are more vigorously inclined, I would definitely check them out for a weekend, or longer if your the Chanel flipflop wearing kind.

Last night I was reading the end of a great book called The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. He surprised me by including a chapter on death. I’m not sure why I was surprised, as I included a similar section in Opening to Life,despite the fact that my editor urged me to steer clear of this “heavy topic.” In a stern voice (writer’s voice), Singer urges us to contemplate death, stating that it could come at any moment, and reminding us that we all leave our possessions and loved one’s behind eventually.

The irony of this sobering, yet liberating reminder, is that as I was preparing to drive up to Sedona last week death was very much in my awareness. I wasn’t sure why, but I allowed myself to contemplate the idea that life as we know it does end, and when it ends is entirely out of our control. The whole drive to Sedona was permeated with these thoughts, and the next day, as I drove around looking for a particular hike, I got lost and found myself in a cemetery. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the irony of it all. Eventually I found Mystic Trail and went for a gorgeous hike.

The feelings and thoughts of death were gone on the way home and replaced with a sense of power and gratitude for myself and my life. I’m certain that a part of me did die on that small journey – a part I no longer needed. When this happens, we make room for more of the good stuff. I was happy to return home to my baby girl fully intact and in a position to appreciate her and myself even more.

What if we all lived as if every week was our last? Would you live louder? Would you express more love? Would you appreciate the trees and sky as you walked out of your house? Being alive, in a human body, is a gift. I believe that our spirit and soul lives on when we die, but we don’t have our bodies anymore. It is an amazing opportunity to experience life through our senses. To have “gut” feelings, to taste sweet fruit, and to even have “heart” ache.

Life can certainly be bitter-sweet, but it is all sweet to me, simply because it is life.

What if you could hand over all the stories you tell yourself to an all-knowing wizard who could look at them with total objectivity and deliver them back to you in a distilled version containing only the truth?

These could be stories about your relationships, your successes, your “failures” and your fears. Most of us tell ourselves elaborate stories about all sorts of things. Why so and so was rude… Why your parents are the way they are and how it affected you… On and on. We do this with just about everything that happens to us in life until our heads are full of tangled webs of story lines that may or may not be true.

Okay, I get that everything is subjective and that our perception is our reality, but frankly I think the stories we tell ourselves can end up to be confining, and possibly even imprisoning.

Last week I experienced a conflict with someone, which put me in a bit of a tailspin… After a couple days of spinning I’d had enough. I was tired of playing the blame game and coming up with a thousand different reasons to justify my position. So I went into prayer and released the whole thing. I asked that it be returned to me in a distilled nugget of truth.

Shortly, within seconds actually, I received the message that I had given too much of myself to this person in the past and that my present and more balanced behavior is now being perceived as selfish.

That’s all… Nothing too profound – just a view of the situation from above. I said to myself, okay I get it, that’s fine, and I still need to do what feels right to me even if it’s being perceived as selfish. A younger, more people pleasing version of myself would never have been okay with being perceived as selfish, but I was strangely fine with it! This nugget, which was fairly small, gave me enough information to move on and stop thinking about the conflict.

Had I not asked for a distilled nugget of truth, I may still be weaving rich tapestries of fiction, which would take up way to much space in my head. I intend to do this with every ongoing story line that I’ve been constructing over the past four and a half decades, and hopefully by the end, my mind will be clear like a bright blue sky ready to receive only the important things in life.